(for proudravenclaw)

so first, some things you have to realize.

• I grew up with the popular girls, so when all the elementary schools joined together, I met the popular girls from the other schools. that doesn’t mean I was one. I was friends with them, sure, but I was never tied down.
• My band friends were awesome. Devin was my best friend, her family basically saved me from my own. I spent all day there, did my homework, had dinner with them, and would miserably walk home. I hated going home. They were my second family. Because Devin was so important to me, I automatically loved her friends. Then I learned to love them on my own, but they never knew that. I’m not very affectionate.
• My third group were the kids that were in honors math, especially the ones who weren’t in honors English as well because they weren’t in band. they made me want to do my homework, especially when I had no motivation to even TRY to pass, and that got me through middle school. I was too smart to fail, but I was going to anyway.

Now. I loved all three groups. plus the randoms I picked up along the way because they were the only ones in my gym class or something. The problem was, I wasn’t IN any group. That means nobody was obligated to invite me to birthday parties, sleepovers, anything. Sure I was able to sit by them at lunch, but I didn’t have a definite spot because I was always moving around. I never hung out with anyone. Of course the genetic depression plays a role in that one, but nobody ever asked to hang out so that didn’t exactly help.

then, I transferred schools.

so if nobody wanted to hang out with me when I went to school with them, why on earth would they suddenly call now? Freshman year I went to football games, but that was for Michael. Now he lives in a different country and I have no reason to go back there. I did have a reason, but that’s all gone now. People don’t care. I’m so sick of being the one calling and texting and inviting myself to things nobody wants me to go to. They don’t mind when I’m there, but they just don’t see why I go. I’m always so invisible to them, they all have each other.

but then they assume I have my private school friends. So yes, I can text people from my current school. But that doesn’t mean I hang out with anyone from my school either. I haven’t changed in that sense. the only difference is, I can blame it on the fact I live in Antioch when they all live in the suburbs. I blame it on distance. Even when I stay at my grandmas, I don’t have anyone over. I haven’t changed. I have the same issue with people I’ve always had. Maybe it’s because I was raised that way. Maybe I’m just better off on my own.

I would love it if someone from Antioch called me up and said “Hey, I haven’t heard from you in a while. How have you been?” 

but who on earth is gonna do that.